The Bird and The Worm
by CharlieSchulz
Summary: I am going to eat his spleen for dinner! I'm going to kick him in the dirt! He's The Beatles, I am Yoko Ono and he is totally over. He is dead! ...Lily's a little upset...


"He is so dead."

The sound of her angry footsteps echoed down the nearly empty corridor. It was dark out and she was climbing staircases quickly, contemplating the worst punishment she could muster. The only noise other than her heavy stomps was the mumbling coming out of her furiously set mouth.

"He's a drowned puppy, he's burnt toast, he's the Royal Family and I'm Vladimir Lenin! He's rain on a bloody wedding day and I'm the hotel receptionist that won't let him near me! He's the cat and I've got a bucket of water! No, I _am _the bucket of water! …oh he's so bloody dead…"

She quickly strode down the corridor where the Fat Lady portrait hung at the end. The girl's mummers became louder.

"I am going to eat his spleen for dinner! I'm going to kick him in the dirt! He's The Beatles, I am Yoko Ono and he is totally _over_. He is dead! He is gone! Bon Voyage! An end to a rocky beginning! He is the Titanic-sunk! He's the Germans in both wars-defeated! He is the goddamn scum between my toes! He is so dead!"

She stood in front of the portrait and glared up at the woman painted. The Fat Lady looked down at her with wide eyes.

"Umm…password?" she asked hesitantly, terrified of the Head Girl in front of her.

"Carpe diem," grunted the woman with a deadly scowl on her face. The door swung opened quickly and she stomped through looking for a particular person in the midst of the Gryffindor common room.

And there he was.

He sat on the armchair closest to the fire, talking to his friend Peter and his best mate Sirius. His hazel eyes were dancing behind his glasses; his mouth opened wide laughing, hair widely out of control. She noticed all this but ignored it, knowing there was a time and place to be lusting over James Potter fine features and this was not one of them. This was _war_.

"You ridiculous trouble making prick!" came her screech as she flew over to the fire and stood before him.

His eyes immediately got wide, apologizing for whatever he did, but she could see the twinkle of amusement in his hazel jewels.

"Now Lily, dear-" he began, standing up and towering over her.

"Don't 'Lily dear' me! You promised! You swore you'd stay out of trouble this week and you know how much it meant to me! You are not an idiot James Potter, but I swear you act like one! All for the pleasure of pranking some kid-"

"It wasn't like that! I didn't mean to-"

"You are dead Potter! As a doorknob!"

"Now, now Evans – I don't think that this is such a big-"

"Shut up Black! This does not even come _close _to concerning you!" Lily's voice was so filled with anger that Sirius did shut up, looking slightly scared, "This is between me and my un-trustworthy boyfriend!"

"Look Lily, love, light of my life!" pleaded James grabbing her hands lovingly as she attempted to yank them out, "I'm crazy sorry! You are my dearest love! I shall be apologizing for the rest of my life for his one mistake-"

"James," she interrupted, glaring at the man she had spent a month cuddling with.

"But really, Avery was just asking to be attacked by crazy nifflers, and how McGonagall knew it was me is just unexplainable-"

"Why? What could possibly have possessed you to get a detention the _day _before our month anniversary? Didn't we agree that we wanted it to be special?"

"Well yeah, but-"

"Didn't we agree that we wanted to go somewhere nice and dress up?"

"Yeah Lil, but-"

"I can't believe you," Lily's anger subsided and it was with pure sadness that she said this. " Disappointment drowned her words and James tried to set her right.

"Lily…I…"

"I can't believe you," she repeated but this time her voice cracked and her head rolled down, falling like the tear that escaped her eye.

James was immediately flooded with guilt. And despair. And ultimate hatred for himself: _he'd made her cry?_

"Oh Lily, sweetheart, I'm sorry! Don't cry!" he put one arm around her waist drawing her in and the other began to stroke her shoulder length red hair, "oh man, I am so sorry. I'll ditch if you want! We can go down to Hogsmeade and get some Butterbeer or something-"

"You are NOT ditching your detention James Potter!" Lily glared up at him, still upset but unable to dismiss the fact that his hugs always made her feel better.

"Well then maybe we could celebrate the day after tomorrow?" he asked, kissing her adorably freckled, yet still red with anger, nose. He dropped he hand from her hair and used it to pick up her hand. She didn't respond, but she didn't decline him either.

"I guess that's what we'll have to do then," she said, feeling her stomach plummet in sadness. He gave her a little smile and put her hand on his neck where it grabbed onto the back of his head, smoothing a

"I'm really sorry Lil. And I promise I'll give you an entire circus for our next anniversary!"

"If she keeps you around that long," came Sirius who was busy ignoring the two and losing against Peter in chess.

Lily smiled a bit, knowing that it wasn't true, that she wouldn't toss him in the near future. But then she remembered her anniversary, that the month she spent falling for James Potter would go uncelebrated until _Wednesday_ and she felt bad all over again.

So she decided to make him move mountains for her.

"It just really sucks, you know?" Lily leaned her head against James' shoulder blade as she pulled her closer.

"Yeah it does," James reply was as he placed his chin on top of her head, "But there's nothing we can do about it, my beautiful girlfriend."

"I got my outfit all ready,"

"It'll still be there or Wednesday,"

"And I told everyone not to worry that night…"

"I think they're all spying on us right now anyway…"

"And I even cleared out your dormitory so we could spend the night together."

"Well-wait, what? You did what?"

Lily blushed but trekked on, knowing that he would think up something so she could have her perfect night.

"Peter, Remus and Sirius are spending the night in the Common Room so we could…hang out…after the date."

James eyes widened. She didn't mean…did she honestly…no fucking way!

"Well maybe we could ask them to be that nice…on Wednesday?" he suggested, speaking to his girlfriend but hinting at his best mate.

"No way man, the only reason I'm doing this for Lily in the first place is she hooked me up with Mary Macdonald that night," said Sirius making sure he understood every word, "You know how long I've been waiting to get an opportunity there. It's a onetime deal!"

"So then…maybe Friday night? We'll have a Quidditch party then anyway after we beat Hufflepuff and we could just go up there and…have fun, you know?"

Lily shook her head, wondering how long she far she could push this.

"Yeah I guess…but I just feel really ready right now. The feeling will probably be gone by then," She released herself from his tight grip on her waist and grabbed his hands preparing to leave, "I guess we'll just have to wait until next month..."

James' mind whirled for a second before a brilliant idea came to him. He could get himself out of this; he was James Potter for Merlin's sake!

"I have a plan," he exclaimed, tighteneing his grip on her hands.

"And what would that be?" she asked suspiciously.

"Follow me!" and he led her out of the common room, through the portrait hole and down the corridor.

Lily giggled a little at the huge grin on his face, "Where are we going?"

"Well dear Lily," he started while placing his arms around her middle, "We are going to go down stairs and convince McGonagall to let me skip detention."

"You're unbelievable," Lily replied, trying to sound like she thought he was crazy.

And she did think he was crazy.

But she thought he was pretty amazing too.

He kissed her loudly as they turned down the right corridor, making the back of her knees wiggle a bit.

"You know you love me,"

They arrived in front of McGonagall's quarter's minutes later, slightly out of breath, and that wasn't just from the walking. James immediately walked up, rapping his fist smartly on the heavy wooden door.

"Minerva!" he called, knocking away, "Minerva!"

Professor McGonagall opened the door in pretty red robes with her hair down and make up on her face. She smiled brightly at her guest, until she saw who it was. Then she began yelling.

"Mr. Potter! What do you think you're doing?"

"Were you expecting someone else Professor?" James asked with a sly, dangerous grin, "because if not, I'm sorry, but I already have a girlfriend."

Lily rolled her eyes and shared a look with McGonagall one that showed how they both knew he was a complete five year old at heart.

"Professor McGonagall, we wanted to ask you a question," began Lily, choosing her words carefully.

"And what would that be?" the woman asked, trying to gather together as much dignity as she had left, which wasn't much.

"Well you see Lily and I are celebrating this month thing a-ma-bob-"

"Month _anniversary_,"

"-and see the night after the date we're planning a bit of 'fun' see and well-" Lily clapped her hand over his mouth and gave him scolding eyes. Then she turned her wide glance to McGonagall.

"Look I know that he's immature and deserves detention but I really don't think I should be punished as well! I planned out everything for tomorrow night and now this idiot is in trouble!"

"Ms. Evans it's not my fault that Mr. Potter decided to act irrationally-"

"Avery was _asking_ for it-"

"And it's definitely not my fault that you're going out with him."

"I'd like to find out who's fault that is," commented Lily in a growl, "and I'll slug 'em one on the arm."

"Look Professor you have to see this for a second!" came James' helpless tone, pleading with his favourite teacher, "You've had someone you care about a lot before, haven't you? A special person who's just…really special? That's Lily to me and well…it'd be amazing if I could do the detentions on Wednesday or Thursday…hell I'll even do Friday afternoon after we beat Hufflepuff! But please let us have tommorow! Please?"

Minerva looked at the two love struck teenagers before her. They looked slightly helpless, but still ridiculously happy together. She had noticed a change in them immediately after they got together, Lily Evans taking breaks from studying, laughing loudly in the Great Hall, giggling at stupid pranks. And then there was James, the fact that his arrogance was more humour then truth now, that he was kinder to (just about) everybody, that stupid grin of his never leaving his face. The last time she had seen him so carefree and happy was fifth year, before the starts of the war, before his parents died…

McGonagall sighed. She could only see one option.

"You'd better arrive at exactly 6:30 pm on Wednesday night for detention. You'll be there for five, yes five hours Potter. Trophy Room and if I see Ms. Evans even close to there whether it's for a simple good night or something…else….Are we clear?"

"Crystal," James replied grinning like the girl beside him although Lily had a blush on her face as well.

"Now off to bed! And there'd best be no trouble tomorrow Potter," James nodded and then gave McGonagall a big hand shake.

"Thank you Minerva! Thank you very much!" He let go of her hand and turned to Lily, kissing her passionately right there and then.

"Oh good Merlin…" came McGonagall exasperated sigh as she went back into her room, closing the door on the snogging teens. A faint smile came on her face at the thought of them, however.

She sat down in the chair next to the fire, watching the flames as she waited for Dumbledore to come and take her to their annual polka dance competition.

**A/N: I'm extremely tired and wrote this up while watching The Aristocats, so don't mind the spelling mistakes :-))  
-Charlie**

…**everybody wants to be a cat…cause a cat's the only cat – who knows where it's at…**


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